A question about Ginny

[malenkayacherepakha]

 I'm finally feeling ready to start working properly on a fic that's been taking shape in my mind for a while now, but as I've begun to plan I've come across a question about Ginny's role in the fic, and I wanted to ask for some opinions. I tried and failed to put the rest below a cut as it deals with divorce and less than brilliant parenting, which I know won't be everyone's cup of tea, so please skip reading the rest if you want to avoid those topics!

For some background: the fic is going to have a focus on Harry and Ginny's divorce and the aftermath of it (it will most likely eventually be Drarry but it'll take a while). The split is mutual, and pushes Harry to reconsider a lot of his life (he's going to rebuild a house which I'm so excited to write about), and also does the same for Ginny. The kids are in their early twenties/late teens (no longer living at home anyway), unhappy about the family breaking apart but aware that it's for the best. 

My dilemma is as follows: I want James to be angry with Ginny, and I want to make sure that her actions don't seem (too) out of character or like bashing. I envisage her kind of accidentally drifting away from her kids - she's excited to make a new life for herself now that she's out of a less than happy marriage, she throws herself into her career (potentially travelling while coaching?) and meets a new partner relatively quickly, and as a result is less present in her kids' lives (writing to them less, visiting less etc etc), which annoys James. 

I love Ginny as a character, and I don't see her as a bad mother, but would the above seem too out of character? Looking for any and all opinions on this and the rest of the fic premise too if you have them. 

Comments

[gracerene]

I don't think that seems like bashing or out of character, but I'm sure whatever you do some people will have Thoughts about it. I think something I've noticed with commenters is that there is occasionally a difficulty from realizing that good people sometimes make mistakes, or are selfish, or don't make the absolute best decisions ever, and that doesn't make them bad or mean the author is "bashing" them, it makes them human! I think what you describe feels very realistic, and to me, it would not be surprising that somebody who has spent decades in a wife and mother role might become a bit intoxicated with the sudden freedom of divorce and having children grown, and might take advantage of the situation and become a little selfish! Obviously, this hinges on how you write things, etc, but I love the idea of this.

The first thing I thought when reading this was actually that, although Ginny might be at fault here in becoming a little *too* absorbed, I think perhaps I'd want to see if James's "anger" is fully justified, or if he is so used to his mother being entirely at his disposal that he is perhaps needing to learn a bit of a lesson about the fact that his parents are people too, with lives and passions that don't necessarily revolve around their children at all times. That maybe while Ginny needs to make more of an effort, James, too, needs to be more understanding that she is a person separate from her role as a mother, if that makes sense?

Definitely not at all telling your where to take this, but I have thoughts on the expectations that society places on mothers and found this topic super interesting. <3

[walgesang]

A lot of great responses here and I just wanted to echo what you said about writing things that are tied to your own experiences. Don't be afraid to write things how they did happen for you! I remember a terrible writing class in college where I wrote something completely autobiographical and was horrified when classmates were like "nobody would ever act that way!" and "you've got to make this character more realistic." But much later in life I realize that truth is often waaaay stranger than fiction and if it's something that feels right to you, I think you're on the right track.

I think I'd be interested to see how Ginny reacted to the children leaving the nest in the first place and perhaps what kind of relationship she has with her children before the divorce that would cause James to be so angry/insecure.

I also agree with others that there sadly does seem to be less eyebrow-raising when the father remarries or starts dating as opposed to the mother. Yet no one seems to be bothered when fathers are portrayed as being less in the children's lives than the mother as if that's a given!

It sounds like you have good ideas and I like the idea of the whole family adjusting to a new normal if that works best for them. :)

[writcraft]

This story sounds wonderful and I'm not sure I have much to add beyond the comments you have already received. I know when I wrote my little Molly/Arthur, Molly/Poppy fic I was really concerned about an infidelity aspect (the premise is Molly/Poppy meet again on the night before Molly's wedding) and perpetuating the idea of the 'cheating' or 'greedy' bisexual. As you know the last thing I would have wanted to do is give weight to a biphobic stereotype! Sometimes though life is messy and complicated and I included a short author's note about my approach which made me feel a little better.

I think also the way you write James as others have said would be important here. Showing that perhaps he's not wholly in the right either, the growth of both characters learning one another again as adults, sounds like a wonderful dynamic. Some of those comments about gender imbalance and mother's being held to a higher standard could even be something you work into the story, James and his relationship with Harry versus his relationship with Ginny, something she picks up on perhaps.

Finally I tend to think with this stuff being aware of it and thoughtful in the first place is the best starting point! It's something you will be conscious of portraying in a way that doesn't demonise Ginny, something you will focus on in edits and so on, and I'm sure the fact you're already thinking about it means the way it ends up being written will be complex and lovely, and will feel like a very real exploration of the things families struggle with in this kind of scenario.