A question about Ginny

[malenkayacherepakha]

 I'm finally feeling ready to start working properly on a fic that's been taking shape in my mind for a while now, but as I've begun to plan I've come across a question about Ginny's role in the fic, and I wanted to ask for some opinions. I tried and failed to put the rest below a cut as it deals with divorce and less than brilliant parenting, which I know won't be everyone's cup of tea, so please skip reading the rest if you want to avoid those topics!

For some background: the fic is going to have a focus on Harry and Ginny's divorce and the aftermath of it (it will most likely eventually be Drarry but it'll take a while). The split is mutual, and pushes Harry to reconsider a lot of his life (he's going to rebuild a house which I'm so excited to write about), and also does the same for Ginny. The kids are in their early twenties/late teens (no longer living at home anyway), unhappy about the family breaking apart but aware that it's for the best. 

My dilemma is as follows: I want James to be angry with Ginny, and I want to make sure that her actions don't seem (too) out of character or like bashing. I envisage her kind of accidentally drifting away from her kids - she's excited to make a new life for herself now that she's out of a less than happy marriage, she throws herself into her career (potentially travelling while coaching?) and meets a new partner relatively quickly, and as a result is less present in her kids' lives (writing to them less, visiting less etc etc), which annoys James. 

I love Ginny as a character, and I don't see her as a bad mother, but would the above seem too out of character? Looking for any and all opinions on this and the rest of the fic premise too if you have them. 

Comments

[gracerene]

I don't think that seems like bashing or out of character, but I'm sure whatever you do some people will have Thoughts about it. I think something I've noticed with commenters is that there is occasionally a difficulty from realizing that good people sometimes make mistakes, or are selfish, or don't make the absolute best decisions ever, and that doesn't make them bad or mean the author is "bashing" them, it makes them human! I think what you describe feels very realistic, and to me, it would not be surprising that somebody who has spent decades in a wife and mother role might become a bit intoxicated with the sudden freedom of divorce and having children grown, and might take advantage of the situation and become a little selfish! Obviously, this hinges on how you write things, etc, but I love the idea of this.

The first thing I thought when reading this was actually that, although Ginny might be at fault here in becoming a little *too* absorbed, I think perhaps I'd want to see if James's "anger" is fully justified, or if he is so used to his mother being entirely at his disposal that he is perhaps needing to learn a bit of a lesson about the fact that his parents are people too, with lives and passions that don't necessarily revolve around their children at all times. That maybe while Ginny needs to make more of an effort, James, too, needs to be more understanding that she is a person separate from her role as a mother, if that makes sense?

Definitely not at all telling your where to take this, but I have thoughts on the expectations that society places on mothers and found this topic super interesting. <3

[malenkayacherepakha]

There definitely seems to be an issue with understanding the good people making mistakes thing, and that's exactly how I see Ginny in this - she's not doing it on purpose, she's excited about the possibilities that are now open to her and she ends up acting a little selfishly as a result. I'm glad it seems realistic to you. I hope that because the fic will likely end up as Drarry the readers are likely to be more accepting of a less than perfect Ginny - it would not go down well in the Hinny fandom though!

That's such an interesting thought, and I hadn't really thought as far as resolving the tension between them, but I love the idea that he realises that she's a person with wants and aims beside just being mum (especially if you consider that canon has Ginny having kids relatively young, I can see her relishing a bit of freedom post divorce). I do think he has reason to be annoyed, but only to a certain extent, and I'd love to write him gradually realising Ginny's perspective.

I'd love to hear more about your thoughts on the expectations of mothers, both in general because it's interesting but also for the fic - I'm still in the early stages so really open to ideas and discussion on where to take it.

[pauraque]

I completely agree!

I've had the same experience that sometimes folks get caught up in black-and-white thinking and can't see that a character making mistakes doesn't make them a Bad Person. Unfortunately, I've noticed that female characters are often singled out and held to a higher standard, as though they're not allowed to have flaws or struggles. With stuff like this I try to remind myself to write for the people who are able to understand and appreciate some nuance, and not to be discouraged by the possibility that some readers might see your work through a too-narrow lens.

What you say about James makes a lot of sense to me. I think especially at that age, just starting to make his own life as an adult, it wouldn't be unexpected for him to feel some insecurity about what his place is in his parents' lives — he's not a child at the center of their world anymore, and that's an adjustment in itself. And then with the divorce, all that anxiety would be ratcheted up even higher and could definitely come out as anger. I see some real potential for growth there on both sides as mother and son learn to relate to each other as adults.

[malenkayacherepakha]

I've definitely noticed that female characters are held to a higher standard and I do worry that because it's linked to her mothering it will be even worse, but I'm prepared to have people disagree with it - it reflects my real life so I know it's possible even if others doubt that a mother could act that way and still be a good person who cares about her children. Writing for the people who will understand what I'm trying to do is great advice, and a lot of this story is actually just me writing for myself, so in a way the reception isn't as big a thing as with other fics I've written.

Totally - I tend to view James as almost immature (I don't know if that's exactly the right word but oh well) in some ways, certainly more so than Albus, so I think he would definitely struggle with the change from being the centre of his parents' lives, divorce or no divorce. I feel like there could be some nice juicy angst followed by a really nice reconciliation and growth as the whole Potter family adjusts to the new normal post divorce.

[walgesang]

A lot of great responses here and I just wanted to echo what you said about writing things that are tied to your own experiences. Don't be afraid to write things how they did happen for you! I remember a terrible writing class in college where I wrote something completely autobiographical and was horrified when classmates were like "nobody would ever act that way!" and "you've got to make this character more realistic." But much later in life I realize that truth is often waaaay stranger than fiction and if it's something that feels right to you, I think you're on the right track.

I think I'd be interested to see how Ginny reacted to the children leaving the nest in the first place and perhaps what kind of relationship she has with her children before the divorce that would cause James to be so angry/insecure.

I also agree with others that there sadly does seem to be less eyebrow-raising when the father remarries or starts dating as opposed to the mother. Yet no one seems to be bothered when fathers are portrayed as being less in the children's lives than the mother as if that's a given!

It sounds like you have good ideas and I like the idea of the whole family adjusting to a new normal if that works best for them. :)

[malenkayacherepakha]

That's a really good reminder, life is often way weirder than you think is possible! Sorry about the shitty writing class, I would hate it if people said my experiences were unrealistic (and I do slightly worry about that with this fic).

That's an interesting idea - I like the idea of somehow exploring whether things were already rocky or whether it was a change etc. I have so many ideas now I've started chatting to people that I have no idea how to work into the fic now!

Thank you, I'm glad you like the idea <3

[walgesang]

Thanks, though it all worked out in the end and was probably a good life lesson!

The fic will be whatever you want it to be, that's the most important! ♥

[writcraft]

This story sounds wonderful and I'm not sure I have much to add beyond the comments you have already received. I know when I wrote my little Molly/Arthur, Molly/Poppy fic I was really concerned about an infidelity aspect (the premise is Molly/Poppy meet again on the night before Molly's wedding) and perpetuating the idea of the 'cheating' or 'greedy' bisexual. As you know the last thing I would have wanted to do is give weight to a biphobic stereotype! Sometimes though life is messy and complicated and I included a short author's note about my approach which made me feel a little better.

I think also the way you write James as others have said would be important here. Showing that perhaps he's not wholly in the right either, the growth of both characters learning one another again as adults, sounds like a wonderful dynamic. Some of those comments about gender imbalance and mother's being held to a higher standard could even be something you work into the story, James and his relationship with Harry versus his relationship with Ginny, something she picks up on perhaps.

Finally I tend to think with this stuff being aware of it and thoughtful in the first place is the best starting point! It's something you will be conscious of portraying in a way that doesn't demonise Ginny, something you will focus on in edits and so on, and I'm sure the fact you're already thinking about it means the way it ends up being written will be complex and lovely, and will feel like a very real exploration of the things families struggle with in this kind of scenario.

[malenkayacherepakha]

Thank you! Ooh the author's note is a great idea, I'll have a think about how I could use one for my fic. I loved that fic too and will have to have a reread tonight .

I definitely want to make sure it's a balanced portrayal (hard though that might be at times when I'm coming at the fic with experience of James's side of things) and I think the plot of sort of reconciliation could be really rewarding. And ooh yes I love the idea of contrasting James's relationship with Harry and Ginny. I was originally going to write this fic just from Harry's POV but this thread has given me so many ideas that I think I might need to swap to James's POV too to give me the ability to go more in depth with this.

That's what I'm really hoping for, that just by thinking about this as I write and edit I'll hopefully avoid the pitfalls that could come alongside this characterisation. I definitely hope it ends up complex and lovely and real!